If

If one day, I mean, if I dont update my blog, appear in your MSN's contact list, SMS you, call you (if I usually do), or if you dont see me anymore in 10 days, please call 03-92820055 to ask for me. If you care la. Something might had happened to me. I'm serious. I'm just afraid that no one will know about my absences, just like the poor boy in my previous entry. Hahaha. Serious eh. P/s: This is the very last picture of me with my long and dry and ugly hair. I've just cut them after my last cut 10 months!! WOW. And I've just got 3 inches of them chopped off. :(

Sorry Mr. Green Car

A few honks can make me nervous. Plus, I lost control when I was with nobody at all. Damn. I tried to avoid the back and front cars by driving in the car into a small lost but I've just missed the car beside. SHIT! I drove in and I heard scratching sounds of the back part. DAMN. I thought, "I must be dreaming. I must be dreaming. Wake up!" But no!!! It was real and I started cursing myself for being so reckless. Oh dear, what have I done? Without a second thought, I reversed and then it was worst!!! I know people around were starring at this stupid little P driver. I started pushing on the honk to alert my mum about that. So sad. What have I done?!?!? My thoughts were as messy as........ probably no words could be used to describe my feelings at that moment. I'm so so so dead. My mum rushed towards me and quickly took off the place as yhe frightened me was shivering, right in the passenger seat. I felt so so so bad. It was like hit & run. I really pity the car's owner but I could not do anything else. I'm so sorry. Really sorry. Sorry that I hit on the back of your car. It wasnt on purpose. Sorry. If it was your green car, please forgive me. I didnt want that to happen. But, I've peep at your car before I left. I dont think yours is as serious as mine. My mum is going to kill me. I knew it but she cant. Once the car stopped at a safe place, we hopped down to look at it once again. Damn. It actaully went in a little bit. A little little bit. But the scratches was QUITE obvious if you ask me. :( I really thought of telling my mum that I'll pay for it but I know it doesnt help. Whatever.!!! Right after that, I really felt like dying man. I didn't want to touch the car AGAIN. Sigh. And so, I left to my cousins' place and spend some time with them while my mum washes her car. When I came back, I was quite suprised. The scratches arent that bad afterall. They are just paint! Haha. *phew* The only thing was that the silver ring on top of the tyre was lost. After the incident this morning, I thought she would not let me drive anymore, so do I. I dint want to drive anymore. I hate that feeling but guess what, she threw me the key and asked me to drive her home. I think she wanted me to stay calm and drive more careful. She gave me confidences this time, previously, she might just complain about everything even if I did nothing wrong. She's giving me the pressure and I think she realised it. There are both good and bad effects afterall. I really do hope she gives me more confidences and support in everything. I really need them. ALOT.

Suitcase Murder

It was last Wednesday when this happened. Okay, actaully it does not have anything to do with me but because of this I was 30 minutes late for class. The traffic was really sucky that day and a trip from Ampang to PJ and back then, took us almost 3 hours! It was so serious. I mean, not only the traffic lar, in generally this incident. It was gross and saddening. A teen about my age was killed by his ex-college mates after being kidnapped. WTH. A friend you know!! I cannot imagine the disappointment in this poor guy. I really cannot imagine if a friend of mine is doing this to me. A friend who betrayed you. A friend who killed you. Why such people can be so cold blooded. Black mailing is bad enough, what more putting a friend ALIVE in a briefcase to death? I wonder if they realised the mistake they have done. They tortured him. They tortured a young man's life by covering his head with a plastic bag to death. He suffocated to death! Oh my, and he was left only a brief. How can they even treat a friend of theirs like this. Putting him in a briefcase at a construction place; I thought such thing will only happen in TV dramas. I never knew such insane will appear around us. And I felt worse when I was informed that the victim is a second degree friend of mine. :( I dont know him but I feel sorry. Very sorry for him and my friend. Jing jing said, he was a very good boy. The only thing he wasnt very good in, is to choose the right friends. Very true. He mixed with the wrong friends who caused everything today. People there, be real careful when you make friends. This is real sad... :( p/s: I typed this twice and the first piece was way better... It was lost because almost the whole Ampang area blacked out. :(

Kidnapped Soul

It was yesterday when we, Carmen, Cindy, PuiYeen and I planned to meet up with our used-to-be guitar teacher, Eric Wong. We had guitar lessons together before a few years back every Sunday @ Ampang Point's Yamaha Music School. We were feeling rather awkward for the first 10 minutes after meeting up. I think its normal because we havent been meeting up for about 2-3 years. Or is it me who is the only one who feels unatural. Hmmn. We begin to chat. We started to talk about the past as if we were rewinding our lifes back to the period we were still having guitar classes with him. While chatting, I felt uneasy, seriously. It has nothing to do with anybody there on the same table with me but me, myself. I realised I've changed alot compared to the past. Perhaps not physically but mentally. My thoughts, my personality and my maturity. I've actaully turning into someone else slowly, within without being noticed. I've been changing and growing silently. I do not act like this in the past like how I'm doing now. I don't know. I used to be someone quiet. Someone who will do according to what her heart tells her to do so. Someone who is more real. Yes, I'm not what I'm mentioning. I'm not quiet anymore. I need attentions from certain people. If I'm quite it means I'm having some problems or that I dint like you. Now, I cant really do things according to my own feelings. I just cannot. I need to take care of everyone feelings. I need to listen to this and that. I cannot do things base on myself, alone anymore. Perhaps I need to have some responsibility but I somehow dont like it. It is like, sometimes I would love to blog about something but I knew certain people would get upset if they are in it. Or maybe like this, I dont want to spoil a certain relationship just because of a single entry or whatever. Blogging might not be everything of my life so I wont die if I dont blog about it. I can just sleep over it. All the while, I have this on my mind, "Tolerate is the key of everything." And I think I've been misled by this thought as the more I tolerate, the higher the others would climb on me. I've been doing things on what the others said I should or I should not. Its like a kite flying in the directions of the wind. That's not the worse thing of all but noticing that the kite is being attached to someone who flew it. I don't see freedom at all. A very good example to actaully describe my feelings now. How come I can be the old me where I do whatever I like, I want as long as I dont hurt anybody. I really dont know. I've lost myself. And yes, I'm not real enough. But not to all, maybe to the people who are close enough to me. I'm someone cheerful, rich, talkative, hyper, smart, lanci to people who dont really know me. To be honest now, I'm not what you guys think. I'm someone sentimental. I'm emotional. You think I'm lanci because I really dont like to speak to people I dont know especially guys UNLESS I like you. You think I'm cheerful, hyper or crazy because I dont really love to show my sad face anymore; I dont want people to know me as a sad girl. You think I'm smart because I'm really smart but not at the field of studies. I'm smart as in, I'm cunning. Whatever you call. You think I'm rich because I love to make myself look good and I know how to do so. I dont like people who judge me or people who love to stare at me in a rude way everytime I'm near them when they dont even know me. And I've met such losers. Please dont be jealous of me, really. Because I'm really not what you think. I'm just another better-for-nothing, maybe like you. Hahaha. And have you ever heard of this, if someone loves to put down someone verbally, it means this particular person is just having a very very low self-esteem. That's me. I know this is a very selfish thing to do so but it really feel much better. Sorry. Please dont hate me. I think its not a easy thing for me to type out this entry. Its hard for me to blab out everything kept inside me. Why am I always doing something which the others would be pleasant but not me. And sometimes why some people just love to make it sounds as if what they did are all right but not things I did. I dont know. I've no idea how everything has lead me to type out all this. Please, my friends dont feel bad or what when you come across this because this is typed for people who has shallow knowledge about me. I really had a hard time to search for real good friends because I'm just so fake. People who knew about me really understand but......... Sigh. I also want to take this opporunity to appologise to people who I've been acting bossy on. Its just because in reality, I'm being controlled. I dont know how to exaplin further more but just that. I've lost freedom, I've lost personality. I want to get them back. But I dont know how.

The Abandoned Knowledge

I really don't remember when was the last time I solved a math question. And also the last time I actaully used a calculator. Maybe I do. The math paper during SPM late last year? I was quite upset when I realised I dont even remember how to do a simple equation or whatever related to math. I cant even divide 123 into 5, mentally now. I feel so shameful when I cant even do my brother's math homework. Ooh great. Did I just abandoned the knowlegde of math or did it just left me? I find it a waste for not keeping the knowledge with me. But Mass Comm is one of the only courses which doesnt involve Math. Should I be happy or not? I really do love math and I can do well too, during the hgih school but not now anymore. Haha. What a shame. I think I would upset Ms Doh & Puan Dina. They are like the saviour of my math during school days!! Serious. Before they actaully taught me, I cannot do well. And as soon as I attended their classes, I improved like nobody's business. :) Ooh. I love to do Matrix and counting angles in the circles and triangles. Haha. But now, really, I cannot do a sum without my calculator. Even if I'm having it on my hand, I dont know what to press. Oh no, I know how to press simple sums lar please. I meant those I used to be so good at. I even know plenty of tricks in the calculator. My brain turned rusty I guessed. And was even upset when my mum asked me to do a mini account for her sales when I dont even remember how. I dropped my accountings anyway before sitting for SPM. ;p I wonder how well will I score if I redo the past year's work again. They are still with me. Perhaps I really should. Just cant throw the 3+6+5 years' knowledge away within 9 months' time. Ehh. I know how to do this sum. 3+6+5=14 , 14years=168months , 168-9=159months!! Hahaha. Pointless? ;p

A Non Verbal Post

Say NO to study groups! YES to tong yuen!

Sometimes I dont understand why some people love to gather and study. Some even love to form study groups. They said its very effective, and that study groups can really help in improving our studies. BUT I dont really think so. I cannot study in a group as in, study groups with no lecturer where I see all familiar faces that I can fool and joke around. I just cannot concentrate. I need to be in a strict place or alone to really study. Don't even mention about group assignments! Sometimes I really wish I have some nerd or smart asses as my group members where I dont need to think so much and worry so much. Because having your own fellows in your groups is just not so good!!!! I cant concentrate. :( I cannot blame them but myself. I'm someone who gets distracted very easily. Just like today, my members and I supposed to gather at Carmen's crib to finish up our Marketing assignment. I was darn serious at the beginning and even acting very strict to the others asking them to accomplish their works but as expected, I was distracted by my dear Cindy and Carmen. Lucky my Jing Jing was good, she did her works! I did too! But not the other two. Oh my.. I will not ask for any more studies gathering. I will end up doing some other things! :( And it all started because of Cindy who brought something that she thinks its amazing! Hahaha. Guess what? She was much fasinated with her new stuff she bought in the night market a night before. And it was.... Henna body art which costed her only rm2. *_* Someone please whack me because I could not control myself being distracted by it.!!! Oh no no no no. Those are definitely not my hands! These hands belongs to both the silly girls which spent more time on it than our assignments. Great. It was only ME and JingJing doing the work. And a bit from Roger. I should not have let them play at the first place. :( Because it stole my attention too! Oh that's me! I have nothing to say. I lose. :( They plead me to do so lar... ;p I really have no idea what should I draw on.. I dont want any funny funny thing or childish thing on my body and therefore, at last I decided to do this...... You're not seeing anything funny. That's my last name, wei. It is pronounced as whu-ui or hui instead of wei, in case you ask. It may look ugly here because it's not written by me! Hahahahaha. Its quite awful and uncomfortable and I decided to wipe it off from my back. Sorry girls. ;p I wasted your efforts. Hee. And hey, I was quite happy today because I get to drive without my mum! And without the P sticker and without my license. Oh no. I've just did something offensive huh! Dont report okie? *puppy eyes* Hahahaha. I drove Cindy to the nearest McDonalds for tea and that journey almost got me killed because I was hyper nervous. No nothing leh! Kena tangkap how? Ish. Its not my car somemore. Hahahahaha. Besides Mcdonald, I had this too! I bet not much of you guys here have eaten or even seen this!!!! Don't blink your eyes k?! Okay, you can now blink your eyes. :) It may look very very common tong yuen but its not! Did you even notice that the soup is white in colour? Its normally clear soup with ginger what! Ekhem, this is not soup. This is soya!!! Tong yuen in soya leh! Try before or not? You must be thinking, "Cheh! What so big deal about it?" Memang very big deal because I havent tell you what is inside the tong yuen. Nah, this time dont even think of blink your eyes! Red bean? Black sesame? *Beep* Stop guessing! It's C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E! Geng leh!!!! I dont know why am I so excited about it. Its not even something I made but I'm just very inlove with this chocolate tong yuen in soya. Very yummy okay! Its only available in The Soya Shop located at Sri Petaling's Endah Parade or is also known as Carrefour. :) Its only a very small stall on level one. This bowl of thing (4 tong yuens) cost only about rm3. Beside this, they have loads of weird varieties of food from the soya family. Let me see, they have got Gingko Taufufa, Chocolate Taufufa, Fruit Taufufa, Salty Taufufa, Red bean tong yuen, Coconut tong yuen, Kaya tong yuen and many more!!! They might sound funny but are definitely delicious!!!!! Will update more about it on my very next trip there. :) I feel proud of myself actaully. I can actully relate studies, Henna and tong yuen together. Hahahahaha. *runs away*

When you're in the changing room...

I wonder if you have heard about this BIG news about few weeks ago, when a celebrity from HongKong was snapped while changing in the room at Genting Highlands. I think the HK paparazies were very mean to hide a camera in their closet during their concert. They then, posted the pictures of this pretty lady changing, almost naked, in almost all magazines! Even worse, when they did something so bad in Malaysia. It somehow gives people a bad image on us. Why Malaysia sounds so dangerous? Lucky, they've got the things cleared that it is not done by us! However, I did wonder if they were bribed? *_* Anyway, I think they really went out of limit this time. HK paparazies are so famous in tailing and stalking celebrities. Publish their ugliest picture they can get or create rumours and negative things about someone famous. Showing the public private things about them, like putting up pictures they get to take what they did at home. Bla bla bla. And yet, this particular issue has brought up the celebrities right and laws. Although someone is sacrificed, like said, we have to take one step down to move another step forward. :) Nothing is so bad afterall. Due to this, I was taught how to be aware of it. Okay, maybe we are not any famous people here but who knows that people around you are normal. Lalalala. Not hinting about anyone, but why not just take precaution steps before anything bad happens? Does anyone of you here never seen a one side mirror? Erm, I dont exactly know the term for it but its a kind of glass which normally certain shops or police stations uses where people from the inside can get to see people outside BUT people outside can only view their own reflection like a real mirror. Erm, bad explanation I guess. ;p We, girls, should always be aware of that when we are going to try on clothes in shops' changing rooms. How? Easy! Just use your fingers! Hahaha. Yes. I'm not kidding you. Just use your finger, point it to the mirror. Make sure you touch the mirror okay. Take a look at the reflection. A real mirror should have this effect where you can see a gap between the object and the image, like shown in the picture above. Get what I'm trying to say? If there's no space in between, dont change!! Complain about it! There's people sitting over the glass peeping at you! What if they put a camera in the room? I would not know right? NO! You can try it with your phone. Try to make a phone call. I was told that if the connectivity is bad, when there's no line available in your phone, that means there is something wrong with the room. There must be some cameras and vehichles which supports the camera around. Very simple ways to protect yourself BUT if you are still unsure, just face your back to the mirror! Dont get yourself exposed.

Some Idiot, not Jay.

I was damn frustrated with the Marketing paper today. I dont like to do Marketing stuffs lar. It took me only 1 hour to sit down in the examination room. I really cant think of what to write on the answer sheet anymore. So I just fantasize around. And we, me and my friends proceeded to Sungei Wang to collect my Jay's pre-order album at popular book store. I was looking forward for it. I really cant wait for it anymore. I asked the counter about it and they told me it havent arrive yet! I was like being shot right on my head. Very sad and disappointed till my friends received calls from another popular bookstore saying that they can now collect the product. Grrr. So i went back there a few hours later. Yes! My patience of waiting for it for about 3-4 hours have paid back by his album! I wasnt really satisfied with his new album honestly. Because there are too little of songs. I'm not enough of the songs! They are just so nice!!! AHH!! Very nice. Not biased this time but just very very nice. Worth my cash and time. Hahaha. Oh. I have his GIANT poster too! Yay! Before I forget, I was being disturbed by an asshole on my way to the monorail with Carmen and Liepeh. Ewww. He used his arm to knock me on my chest and said, "AIYAK". Curse him!! He acted like he was doing that by accident but not!!! That path was so wide. Why of all places, of all people, must knock me? Can knock the wall mar! Babi. He was such an idiot. I knew everyone was looking but I acted like nothing has happened. I dont want to stop walking. I'm afraid he might do some other stupid things. So I just cursed him, "Chi sin" and stared at him once he walked behind. But hey, lucky me! I was having a file protecting me. So, he din't actaully touch me that idiot. ;p Real idiot. At first, I thought he was someone I knew trying to fool with me. I almost faint when I looked up to his ugly fat face. Hahaha. Am I a little mean? I don't think so. He was trying to disturb me loh!!! HEH! Vivien very angry now! Who knows how to curse someone like hitting his/her picture of detail on some papers with the clog, like the olden days people would do? I pay you!

Pretty outside, Nothing inside?

My mum always denies that I'm not pretty at all when her friends praise me infront of her. Maybe she's shy or perhaps she really thinks so. She always says that I look much better when I put on the smiling mask. She says that I have a very "unfriendly" look because I hardly smile. I don't give people a good impression. Almost every new friend I made will give me a comment saying that "You look very lanci leh..." Especially guys. I can't deny that I don't have a friendly look but I'm friendly.! *Innocent* Serious, I'm serious. Do you know why mostly guys give me such comment? I think because I really dont like to talk to people I dont know especially guys. Unless I like you lar! ;p So, please don't tell me I look lanci anymore because I knew it. And it is not even that great for a person to have very good looks but eventually have nothing good inside. There are just too much of good looking girls outside there mis-using their looks for their own advantages or what so ever. In short, they somehow betrayed themselves. I respect no girls who are like this. This same thing applies on guys too. And on the other hand, people who have only average look is being looked down just because they dont own a attractive cover outside. Like said, never judge a book by its cover. Very true but not much people actaully do so. I think its actaully very unfair sometimes. Perhaps this normal looking human has the inner beauty while the hot chick doesnt, but the normal looking girl will still lose. Why? This is because human now are much more materialistic, mean and crude. Am not very happy at this moment because of almost the same topic. There was a girl I saw today wasnt really pretty BUT she make over herself and looked even awful. All I noticed was she was trying to seduce some guys. Ewww. Her look isnt that bad afterall but it was the make up and outfit on her brought her down. She thought she could win the guys' hearts with a very uneven and thick black eye liner, low cut tee and micro skirt. I think she was shallow enough to think so. I know most guys cant resist pretty girls but I also know that guys do not go for outlook only. Sigh. I dont even know what I'm typing now. Just very upset with the girls.

My Family Part2

Have you ever thought of a very important person to you being substituted? Perhaps it is going to be another point of change in my life. I don't know. Though it seem to be more a positive change than a negative one, but it still will impact my life, and me. He has always been someone I love to rely on. He has been the man I trusted a lot. The only one that I believe who will never make me fall off from his back. He has been the only one who allows me to dance on his bare foots. The one who taught me uncountable things in life. The one who gave me a wonderful childhood. The one who brought me almost half the globe. The man who gave me a good environment of education. And the only one who gave me goodnight kiss every single night before I end my day. My dad, a person who I have lost contact with for more than I can remember. Not until I grew up, today, I never knew that he was totally a different man from my thoughts. He might be a great father to me but totally not a good son or a good husband. Its only recently that I actaully found out my parents are not even married. No one has ever mentioned about it to me. They just got together because of me. Obviously, you knew what has happened. Why arent they officially married couples? Just because he was an irresponsible man. He has a family at the very first place, even before he knew my mum and has left them behind. That made me have extra of two elder brothers and a step-mother. He then left my family when I was 10 and told me he will be back when I'm sitting for my UPSR. Great. I have even gotten my SPM results and he is still not back. We've lost hope on him. He made our lifes miserable after he left. He cheated us and is never back. Honestly, I dont even know where is he now. Is he still alive or not.? *touchwood* If he is, I bet he has a family right there. I've never miss him until I really knew what had happened. He isnt a good man afterall. I'm so worried that my brothers would have all his bad habits. And yes, all his characteristics can see clearly seen on my younger brother, the bad ones especially. Whenever I forgotten how he actaully looks like, I just need to glance on my eldest brother and he will appear right infront of me. They look real alike, even their voice. And lastly, my second brother has all his knowledge on doing business. What about me? I have his bad habits of lying. Sounds very bad dont I? But I'm improving now. Very straight forward like my mum. ;p And the best thing I had from him is the sense of direction. I really wish to have at least a little bit of news of him right now. I don't know. Whether he knows that he is wrong or not, he is still someone I love. But I really have a bad feeling.... And at the same time, my mum has found someone to be her official one. I don't know how should I face this. I know she doesnt really want to but she has no better choices. This guy, whom i really dislike has lessen her big burden ever since my dad left us. I really don't know. He can get whatever I want but not a real family that I want..... I never really want to call another guy, "Dad."

Tutu Cake in S'pore

No joke. I was cheated to come over Singapore this time. I thought I was going to have a new laptop that's why i agreed to come over for a couple of days before my exam. Dream dashes when i know there is no laptop for me at the moment. Sigh. But wth my brother has a new phone. He has got the Nokia N73!!!!! Crazy?!?!?!?!?!?! I want it tooooooooo. I know I sound greedy. No laptop, no phone, at least some cash lar please. Or not how am I going to shop here. Was very disappointed actaully. No nothing. But lucky, I've got a few hours to spend in Bugis with Elaine where I spent around 40 bucks only. Yeah, that's everything I have in my wallet. I saw so many pretty clothes, shoes and acssesories but I cant take them home. So sad right. I fell in love with a top, a shorts and a pair of earring but I can choose only one of them. ;( And a bit of money to eat my favourite kuih here in Singapore, the tu-tu cake. I know most Malaysian do not have any idea on this tutu stuff. Here, I can only show you how they look like but I cant tell you how tasty they are until you come and try yourself here, only in Singapore, so far I know! They are not char siew pau okay! ;p Basically, they are just peanut covered with flour. But you can never imagine the combination of both these items, they will bring you magic. Because they are absolutely delicious!!!! Those you can find in KL are made from brown sugar. Like, eww? Must try them whenever you're at Singapore. They are available at almost everywhere and they arecheap!! It cost you only $D2 for 5 pieces of tutu cake ;) But one thing, never take Yakult drink with tutu cake. They will cause your tummy to bloat like us both! ;p We did suffered for awhile. Hahaha.