Their Thoughts

Sometimes its funny to know that how the others think of yourself. And I really find some of the thought about me, myself ridiculous. I remember the last time I had Korean dinner on the night before Lunar New Year, I accidentally swollen the fish's bones. I know that sounds very silly but the bones were very soft and tiny to be noticed. I felt s tortured when they were stuck on the inner part of my tongue that almost reaches my throat. My mum taught me to eat big scoops of rice to "stick" the bones out but it does not work. It was so frustrating. I hate the feeling that gives me no more mood to continue my meal. Then, I moved my butt politely to the washroom just beside the cashier of the dining house. Yes, I started inserting my short little finger in to reach to the bones. Hoping that I could pull them out. I feel like vomiting so much. And still, the bones are still there. Then for a moment, I realised what I was doing was quite similar to something called bulimia. According to definitions in dictionaries, bulimia simply means a habitual disturbance in eating behavior mostly affecting young women of normal weight, characterized by frequent episodes of grossly excessive food intake followed by self-induced vomiting to avert weight gain. Great! Now people in the restaurant thinks that I'm a bulimic. Plus I'm looking very thin, in a way that might give them the thought. The people were starring at me when I came out of the washroom. I bet they could hear me "vomiting" in the toilet that is located in such a short distances from them. I saw them whispering. I saw them smiling in a very irritating way. I'M NOT A BULIMIC. NOT AN ANOREXIC TOO. Fine. Forget about it because I have way more examples of how bad the others think about me. I don't think I'm offending anyone by having a baby face right? Or they are just so jealous about it. Hahaha. How come they kept giving me bad comments on how I look one. I very tired one you know. Yes, there is this bunch of people who labels me as a adult-wannabe when I'm seriously not. And the worse thing is, they don't even know me well. I'm 19 this year ok!!!! 20 on the following year!! So do you expect me to wear Miki House clothes or KikiLala's dress? I cannot wear mini skirt is it? I cannot wear lower cut top is it? I cannot wear make up is it? I cannot dye my hair is it? I cannot wear DIAMOND is it? I cannot wear heels is it? I really hate to hear it when people start to point at me and say, "Aiyer, that girl baru how old? Wear until like that... Aiyo. Kids nowadays....." with an auntie slang. Then, continue by shaking that heads. I'm so sick and tired of these already.......... Just keep quiet. I'm thin so what? You think I want is it? I'm 20 next year but I have a baby face and a mini body, you think I can control is it? Sigh.