Wednesday, August 27, 2008

To My Dearest Grandpa

Dear grandpa,

I'm sorry that I did not spend enough time with you for the last few days. I finally took some time to come by last afternoon with a little gift that you would be happy seeing. You know it was weird walking in the house seeing odd scenes I've never seen happening in the house. I was looking for you, where were you. I stared at your lazy-chair, the one you loved most and I saw nothing but your pillow, bolster and blanket. Even if its in the living room, you always hid yourself in the blanket. You are one who is afraid of the cold.

It was totally unacceptable. I stared long at the spot you will always be at. Then grandma looked at me and said that I was too late. I no longer can taste your curry chicken. I do not know how to react. I thought you were admitted to the hospital again. But no, you left us. You left us, forever.

Why wasnt I notified about it. Why dint anyone tell me about it. Why dint anyone call me when you need us most. Why wasnt I around you to see you for the last time. Why wasnt I at your place last morning. Why dint anyone call me...... Why...

I feel totally bad not seeing him for the last time before you leave.

Why dint anyone call me and tell me about it? Why do I have to find it myself at a totally unprepared condition?

Why did you leave us so soon. There is so many things, so many places, so much words, I want to do, I want to bring you, I want to tell you. I want to buy you your favourite mee. I want you to bring you to Taiwan, your favourite place on the world besides home. I want to tell you I'll be earning money and you dont have to worry for me. I can drive very safely that you dont have to call me everytime to remind me. I'll be good. I want to bring you to the cinema watching lame Singaporean movies that you like.

You still havent bring me to buy fishes and to the place I could not find, to eat my favourite mee.

You havent see me get married. Not even me during my graduation ceremony.

You havent see your favourite grandchildren grow. They are still very young and they still need you. Me too.

Why dint you wait till the celebration on the country's birthday end of the month, I know you would love to watch programmes about it, and talk about it. I know you love the celebration.

Why dint you wait for me to come?

Why cant I eat my favourite cookings of yours anymore. Why cant I eat my birthday mee anymore? Why cant I have someone to call and to look for I like always did when I felt helpless alone at home.

Why dint you give me the chance to pay whatever I have to. Whatever I owe you. Dont you want them? Why dint you wait for Elaine to come back to show you what can she cook? Why dint you wait for your little grandchildren to score good results?

I really thought you luck changed when I was told that you striked lottery twice last two weeks.

I want to bring you to shoot more advertisements. You are really good at it. I really enjoy seeing you acting, because I have never seen that in you. I guess I was the only priviledge one who can see you. There was one commercial you did, featured but unfortunately it isnt based in Malaysia. I really would love to see it. Anyone, who is abel to find me a commercial for men's singlet or brief, based in India, Bollywood. My grandpa is a monk in the commercial. In the commercial, you co-star with Bollywood stars. I knew it was tiring but I also knew that you felt very happy later when you receive your pay.

I'm really blank now.

Where are you. I want to see you. You cannot leave without telling me. Why did you left grandma all alone. She just lost a son and now she lost you. What is grandma going to do.

Do you know I am alwayd proud to have you as my grandpa? I always boast around that my grandpa is a awesome curry cooker. All your curry dishes are fantastic and are better than those in restaurant. I'm serious. Some of my friends who tried said they are really really nice. You are really a good cook. I always also said that my grandpa is the coolest grandpa because he has six packs muscles. My grandpa is very handsome and fit.

I know you would have stopped smoking if you know it will harm you and caused what happened now today. I know.

Grandpa.... I miss you.

May you rest in peace.

Your Granddaughter.


Comments on "To My Dearest Grandpa"


Blogger Zainisaid... (August 27, 2008 11:42 AM) : 

with all due respect,the picture is awesome.



Blogger Mei Yansaid... (August 27, 2008 11:52 AM) : 

poor vivien. 2 losses in such a short period of time. condolences to your family. be strong yea.



Anonymous Peggysaid... (August 27, 2008 1:46 PM) : 

I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you will be ok soon..


Anonymous Elainesaid... (August 27, 2008 8:35 PM) : 

You know I tried very hard not to cry over there. In fact I haven't dropped single tear since uncle's death. But omg your entry made me break down in front of my roomies and I think they were a little tramautised by it.

Anyway, yeah... I do miss grandpa alot too. I tried searching for the ad but to no avail...

I kept having multiple flash backs of that day before I left KL. Grandpa didn't say much but I knew he was really worried about me coming to Australia. He kept saying the same thing: "Always remember not to trust anyone there! Even if the elderly ask you for help, don't help them if you're uncertain." In fact I think he repeated this at least 10 times. But at that moment I knew it may be the last time I'm hearing his voice and seeing his face. So I just kept staring at him.

When I left grandpa's place, I remembered him walking out with grandma, and I remembered wanting to tell him to be strong and to wait for me. But I ended up just saying "Take care", because if I said anything more I would have cried. My heart was bleeding, really.

I'm sorry I can't be there. I want to be there. I want to be with all of you, to go through all these together. It isn't much easier being away. It's not like I will feel less pain being further away. In fact, it sucks to be here when all these happened.

Nonetheless, although it's really tough having to grief over two deaths in two weeks, we all know it's better for the both of them. We should be strong, okay?

When I get back in Nov/Dec, hopefully, everything would have turned out well at home.

I love you!

Elaine <3


Blogger revel in mesaid... (August 30, 2008 10:46 AM) : 

I am sorry, dear.. :( *hugs*


Blogger thenatstorysaid... (August 30, 2008 12:12 PM) : 


i know what you mean.
somehow grandparents effects. no matter how close or strayed away.



Blogger miss envelopessaid... (September 01, 2008 1:36 PM) : 

zaini : i love the picture too.

mei yan : am trying hard...

peggy : i hope soon...

elaine : please take care. talk to ya in MSN

revel in me : *hugs*

thenatstory : very very close. very very effected....


Anonymous JBsaid... (September 07, 2008 3:07 AM) : 

hey, my condolence to you and your family.

It's a sad lost indeed.


Blogger Ah Keongsaid... (September 07, 2008 8:45 PM) : 

sorry to hear that, be strong and take care.


Anonymous vvenssaid... (September 09, 2008 10:45 AM) : 

jb : thank you for your concern..

ah keong : yeah sure will :) no worries.


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